Impact of the economy on the marriage circuit

Published in The Hindu - Sunday Magazine on Mar 15, 2009

Investment Bankers and IT professionals who until recently were the darlings of the marriage circuit have suddenly become the most unloved.

Young Investment Bankers and IT professionals have probably never had it worse in their lives. As if the uncertainty on the professional front is not sufficient, they are getting hammered on the personal front as well. The community that was once unanimously accepted to be a honey pot of the most eligible bachelors in the country suddenly seems to have become a quarantined group that prospective father-in-laws are hesitating to consider. Do they deserve this?

Before you come to any pre-conceived conclusion let me right away quell any speculation about my involvement in any kind of marriage broking activity. I will make one confession though – I have been offering pro-bono marriage related ‘advice’ to fathers of ‘brides-to-be’, especially when the groom in consideration is an I-Banker or an IT professional. Ever since I wrote about the Investment Banking friend who helped inaugurate the global financial crisis and got himself fired or the IT hotshot missus who waged a war against cost cutting measures at her company (before her own job became endangered), many readers have upgraded me (or downgraded, based on your opinion) from the status of a financial consultant to that of a marriage consultant!

The fathers of ‘brides-to-be’ seem to have suddenly turned paranoid against professionals in the IT & financial sector, or at least that’s what I can infer from the emails I receive. This would mean the world (of marriage) is finally flat for all those non-finance and non-IT types. Who knows, given the current state of paranoia, it could soon turn out to be a deja-vu of the 70’s when only the Government/ PSU employees are the most sought-after.

But in a way the whole scene is so sad. Frankly, I don’t think it’s healthy to give such a heavy weightage to the bride/groom’s profession when it comes to marriage. It’s after all a job, you know. If not this one, there’s always another one. If not now, a few months down the lane. Anyone who is literate enough to be able to read this column can get a job or even better create job(s).

There are so many other attributes that are more important when it comes to choosing a life partner than just the financial position or the job description of the groom/ the bride. Some of you may think it’s naive to suggest that money is not important, that too coming from a columnist who writes about money. Of course money is important, but it’s largely a function of one’s expectations. I just think there are other things in life that are even more important and essential, especially when it comes to matrimony.

Whether it is investing or life, when in doubt – I refer to the legendary Warren Buffett. Inspite of him having made it big financially as an ace investor (for those unaware - he’s the world’s richest person), he seems to think that it’s not money that gives true happiness but it is one’s life partner. I guess at the end of the day that’s who we would share our most memorable moments and spend significant time with, with or without money. Here is an excerpt of Mr.Buffett’s informal Q&A session with MBA students at the Richard Ivey School of Business in Canada. It is a must read for every prospective bride, groom and their fathers.

Warren Buffett on choosing a life partner (transcript)

“What can you possibly do with billions of dollars? The problem in life is not getting rich, but finding simple things you enjoy and living a normal life. The most important thing is finding the right spouse. If you make the wrong decision on that you will regret it, there is a lot of pain involved; but if you have the right spouse it is just wonderful. What qualities do you look for in a spouse? Humour, looks, character, brains, money or just someone with low expectations? The most important decision that you will make is that. If you make that one decision right I will guarantee you a good result in life.”

“One of the things I use with students is I ask you to imagine that I am going to give you an hour and in that hour you have to pick one of your classmates to own 10% of for the rest of your life, or even better someone whom you have to work with for the rest of your life and another person whom you would short-sell or disassociate yourself with. Now, on the buy-side you list the qualities of the person who you want to own a share of or partner with and on the sell- side you list the qualities of the person whom you want to disassociate yourself from. On the buy side, you won’t necessarily pick the person who is richest, first in your class or the one with the highest IQ; you will pick out the human being that is going to be effective, sincere, generous, humorous and forgiving. On the sell-side, you would pick the person whose qualities turn you off. It could be selfishness, hypocrisy, envy, short temper or any other negative attribute. It is such an elementary proposition.”

“Everybody, absent some terrible illness or tragic death, has a passion for happiness. A spouse is the most important thing. It is important to have a job you love, its not so important how much you make at it.”

- End of transcript –

For those in the marriage circuit, my advice is - don’t be carried away by the short-term impact of the economic slump on certain sectors when you are short-listing your life partner; instead, what you need to focus on is the long-term aspects of matrimonial life, which tends to be determined by individual human qualities & compatibility. Moreover, while the IT and financial services sectors may be undergoing the worst slump at this point, life’s not really a breeze in the other sectors. One thing to remember is that the world is not going to come to an end – contrary to what some analysts and certain economists would want us to believe. Things will recover, the stock market will bounce back, most companies will survive, people would be able to get a job commensurate with their training (even if that means a temporary salary cut) and life will go on.